So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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