We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
