I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
