youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
