you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
