threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
