I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
