woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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