We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
