we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
