I am puke
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
