You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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