If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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