Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
