I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize
