she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
