Sponge bath it is.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize