Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
