he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well I just put wine in my tea
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
