I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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