she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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