Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
