Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
