i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
