i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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