Jerry, you need to find god
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I deserve this hangover.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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