all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm too high and old for this...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
