I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize