Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Who died my cat blue again?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
