youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
