he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
