Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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