Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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