wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize