I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
