How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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