R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
