its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
