My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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