they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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