Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
