i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
