hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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