is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
