Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I can't turn off my feet"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
