all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
