When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
