sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
tell me about the eggs
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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