she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
