Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
