We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
