i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
