Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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