Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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