"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize