When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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