I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
