If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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