I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
