shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
