My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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