you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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