last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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