9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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