If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
