sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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