You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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