even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
