I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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