So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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