All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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