Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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