Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
