well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
