You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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