I just found puke in my bra..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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