WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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