Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
